Amman- the citadel

Today I woke up late- around 11. I guess I'm still kind of jet lagged. I made myself some coffee and then had a bowl of cereal. I was ready to leave on my adventure into downtown Amman when Mego's mum, Karina, got home. She's so sweet. She totally fretted over me going out alone, and made sure to come out with me to get a cab and to make sure the cab knew where I wanted to go.

The cab driver was super nice and his English was excellent. He took me to the citadel and warned me about scams.

At the citadel, which are some Roman ruins on the highest hill in Amman, it was completely dead. I payed my 2JD to get in (about $4 Canadian) and then started wandering around. I felt immediately very alone, and I wondered what I was doing on this trip, by myself, in the Middle East. I guess it just sort of hit me.
So I sat down to calm myself and this man walked by with a box full of figs. He stopped and offered me one, of course, I wasn't sure if he was selling them or offering me one so I asked how much and he waived his hand- free. I took one and I felt completely at ease. I mean, it is Ramadan here, and you shouldn't really eat, especially in public, but here this Arab man just gave me a delicious fresh fig to eat in the sun. It was delectable. I was also really thankfull to Laura, because before about 2 weeks ago, I wouldn't have even known what it was this man was offering me, and I certainly wouldn't have known how to eat it! I had never had a fresh fig before Laura gave me one in Ottawa! How serendipidous
Then I saw these lizards, which were super cool. Later, I saw some really big ones, which I thought were more scary than cool. I couldn't take a picture because I was too busy getting away.

Anyway, I wandered around for a long time and took a few pictures...
!





I also visited the archaeological museum, which wasn't too much, but it was interesting nonetheless. After I had had my fill of the deserted ruins I meandered down the streets to the downtown market area. On the way down I was greeted by many children, and mostly ignored by adults. The market was intense. I felt completely invisible, only not so- I felt conspicuously invisible, and thirsty, but because it is Ramadan, I didn't dare drink any water in front of all these thirsty souls.


I had no idea what time it was, but the traffic was getting really busy and I noticed that all the cabs were full, so I decided to hop into the next available one to go "home." During Ramadan, everyone stops working at about 5:30 and even cabs won't pick you up because they just want to go home to eat (and drink some water!). I managed to find a free cab, only he spoke no English and didn't know where the address I wanted to go to was, so I managed to get him there with pointing. When we got to where I'm staying we shook hands, it had truly been a joint effort.

Mego, Huda and I went out for ice cream and a couple of drinks tonight at a little bar/book store. I also got a phone today! I have a Jordanian phone number. Wow, I tell you, just wow!

Jordan- getting here and then the dead sea

On Wednesday, after a mad dash to get most of my applications in and do some last minute shopping, I left Claire's house at about 3pm to go to the airport. My flight was not until 7:15, but I get kind of paranoid and decided to go early. Of course, I got there before 4, which is hella early, so they bumped me up to the 5:15 flight to New York. This was actually perfect, since I had to change terminals in New York, and this was a bit confusing, and it would have been crazy stressful if I had only had the original 1.5 hours I was supposed to get.

In New York, while waiting to get my boarding pass in the line up at Royal Jordanian I already felt pretty out of place. Everyone in line was clearly Arabic, and they all had so much stuff. I had nothing but my purse, since my (small) backpack was being transferred for me, and they all seemed to have piles and piles of luggage. It's as though Arabs travel with all of their worldly possessions, including their pots and pans. Anyway, by the time I was on the plane I was completely exhausted. I ate the dinner provided, then I promptly put in my ear plugs and slept for about 7 hours. Seriously, I was exhausted!

I awoke for breakfast and chatted with the man next to me, Mark. He works for a company, which I didn't quite understand, but from what I gleaned, it's some sort of medical device distribution service for countries in trouble: like Iraq. He was going to spend a couple of days in Jordan and then go to Iraq, where he'd been tons of times. He told all about different places in the Middle East. When we got off the plane, he showed me where to exchange money and how to get my visa. Then, when we were waiting for our luggage he had his driver call Mego to make sure he was there. I felt very taken care of. Needless to say, Mego was impressed that I seemed to have back up!


Mego took me to his place, which is a beautiful apartment right across the street from the British Embassy. He has this amazing balcony which overlooks Amman. At sunset, the mosques start praying and it plays over loud speaker for the whole city to hear. It's so enchanting, today I took a video of it, and I've posted it here for you to see:
That night, Thursday, Mego and I went to the Queen Vic, which is a British style pub. No bars are open during Ramadan, unless they are connected to a hotel, so our choices were limited.


It was his girlfriend, Huda's birthday the next day, so this was a pre-party. We had a great time, but I don't think that beer and sambuca are a good mix- I regretted it a lot when I woke up feeling kind of ill at about 5 am when the mosques pray again. I was fine though, of course.

Friday morning-ish a group of us drove to the Mariott at the dead sea. We spent the day lounging in and by the pool. I went swimming in the dead sea too, which was incredible, until I got a bit of the water in my eye and had to go run to the showers to rinse it out. It really burns a lot. That part is not so cool. The floating, however, is super cool.

Later in the evening Suzanna, a friend of Huda's, and I snuck into the pool after hours and went for a leisurely swim in the hot night. It was so relaxing and magical. After we had swum for awhile, a group of Jordanians came and jumped in and started playing Marco Polo. We decided to head up to our room, but after our swim we were hungry. We found a hotel staff and asked him if he had any chips he could sell us from the (closed) bar. He disappeared and then came back with two bags of chips for free! We were extraordinarily happy about this. That's Suzanna, happy with her bag of chips back in the room.

That brings me to today, Saturday. Huda, Mego, Suzanna and I all had a deluxe buffet breakfast and then went back to the pools. We really just relaxed and had a couple of beers before heading back to Amman in the late afternoon. In Amman we had shwarma and... well, I guess that's it.

Tomorrow I'm going to finish up my application to Calgary, and then I'm going to catch a taxi up to the citadel to take a look around and go to the archaeological museum. Afterwards, I plan on walking down the hill into the market area. I will be sure to cover up :) I'm looking forward to my first adventure alone in this city. So far I've been very sheltered and taken cared of. I need to practice being a little independent while I'm still in safe Jordan, from what I hear, Egypt is a little less safe, though not necessarily less hospitable. So far it is definitely true- people here are insanely generous and hospitable.

Layla's Saudi uncles & I go out in Montreal - Aug 21

I wrote this on the bus on my way to Ottawa last Monday. I wanted to recount my night out with Layla's uncles. I tried to post this the other day, but when I found blogspot everything was in Arabic and I couldn't figure out how to write a new post. Of course, I have new stories now that I'm in Jordan, but I don't know if I have the energy to recount them right now. We'll see, maybe.

I have to tell about the hilarious night I had on Saturday. It’s too funny to not share.

Layla’s uncles and grandma are in town from Saudi Arabia. On Thursday, Claire (my sister) made a New Mexican dinner for Moe (Layla’s dad), his mum and 3 brothers. It was a nice evening and I got along with the family well. I was really excited to meet Layla’s extended family on the other side- I certainly see some resemblances, especially in their big, brown eyes!
Wow, it was a room full of big eyes; a little intense. Anyway, the brothers wanted to go out with us (Claire and me), so we arranged to go out with them on Saturday.
On Friday, Claire and I ate at the Khyber pass with Bruce and then had a pretty wild night following. This meant that we were not in the most well-rested state on Saturday, and as it turns out, neither were Moe and his brothers. We all went for a drink and some pub-fare and we were going to see a movie, but decided against it. Claire wanted to go home and go to bed, and Moe was also feeling like he should since he had to work the next morning, so I said I would take the brothers out. Well, the brothers are Moe (whose full name I cannot recall), Leith, and Feras. Moe (#2) is only 17, Leith is 20, and Feras is 22- so they’re all very young, and they’re all very sheltered from growing up in Saudi Arabia.

We were looking for a club or bar to go into and there was one on St Laurent which had a group of about 5 girls going in, so I thought that looked pretty good. Hey, maybe these boys could flirt… or just look or whatever (they’re really shy). So I asked the bouncer what kind of music it was and the guys okayed it, so
we went in. I got a beer and the boys ordered one and were standing, backs to the bar, looking out at the club, which was still fairly dead because it was quite early. Right behind the boys were two young men who started making out. Not just a little kiss but full on tongue, and hands, and well, I’m sure you can picture the rest- they looked like they were newly in love. So then I looked behind me and started really looking at the other patrons and realized that the only other girls in the bar were the 5 we saw coming in. All the guys in the bar were very clean-cut, and well, very gay. I told the boys that we were actually in a gay bar and Leith turns and sees the 2 guys making out- he looked very uncomfortable. I suggested that
we just finish our drinks and then leave, they agreed. I was super impressed that they agreed to even finish
their drinks there.


I figured that while we were there, we may as well dance a bit and Feras agreed to join me on the dance floor. Behind the dj there was a large screen with some images being projected. At first they were totally benign and Feras and I were sort of awkwardly dancing with the bubble machine from above streaming

bubbles down at us (really!). I had my back to the screen, but Feras comes over and says he can’t dancing facing the images anymore so we switch and I see, on the giant screen behind him, a bunch of guys running around in loin cloths, wrestling, and generally doing other homoerotic stuff. It was really too much. It was not just a gay bar I’d brought this young Arab boys into, it was the gayest bar I’ve ever been to! I honestly couldn’t stop laughing.

Oh fuck, I just have to interject to say I think I’m on a milk run to Ottawa. Crap, if this takes 4 ½ hours I may shoot myself. I also might miss the hours for the visa office and have to stay until tomorrow, which would be a serious wrench in my machine. Thank god I didn’t wait until Tuesday to do this!

Anyway, after the gay bar, we walked around for awhile, but all the bars had crazy line-ups and I didn’t want to wait in any of them, especially since Moe is only 17 and doesn’t have ID. We ended up going into a little pool hall and I won us a pool table so that we could play pool. It ended up okay, I think. I mean, it was an experience anyway. I doubt they’ll want to go out with just me again any time soon!! Haha.

struggles

I've been struggling with my applications as of late. I think I had some pretty unrealistic views as to how much time this would entail... anyhow, that's all I've been doing for days now. I'm hoping to be finished by Friday, but Monday is probably more realistic at this point. Well, that is, if finishing at all is to be considered "realistic."

Over mint-whiskey cocktails Claire and I had a heart-to-heart tonight. I won't go too much into detail, but suffice to say we had some interesting discussions regarding mental health. How much is chosen by ourselves, as in, do we choose the mental state we are in?

I've also been doing a lot of reading on medical iatrogenesis and medicalisation. There is this philosopher/ex-Catholic priest, Ivan Illich, who has written a lot on this. In fact, he coined the term iatrogenesis which is the clinically irrelevant or damaging treatments administered by physicians which cause patients, who were not actually sick, to be sick. It really makes you think... is it possible that in our search for health doctors are making us sick?
In other articles, I've been reading about how biopsies can cause cancer to metastasize. I remember I heard this program once on CBC about how cancer could be found in just about anyone if we look hard enough. All cancer really is is abnormal cells. Our bodies try to cordon off these cancerous cells by sectioning them away into tumors, which are often benign, but then we poke and prod and *presto* you have cancer. I'm aware that this may sound kind of cynical, but I don't mean it to sound as such, it's just got me thinking that's all.

I guess I should go to bed. I thought that by writing this out I might gain some perspective.

In other news, my visa for India is ready for pick up. I guess I'll go back to Ottawa on Saturday to collect it.

Oh, and I get to meet Layla's extended family tomorrow!! I am very very excited to meet them all! I hope they like enchiladas!

Toronto to Ottawa

It’s been awhile since I’ve written in my blog. I keep thinking that I will save up a few stories and then write… unfortunately, I think this just means that my stories will be a little vague and muddled. If you know me well, you are aware that memory is not my strong point.

On Saturday I switched accommodations to Marina’s shoebox apartment. It has an amazing view of the CN tower, which I somehow forgot to take a picture of (oh well). It took me awhile to get up the energy to leave Corinne’s and go over there, but I managed with a little help from Corinne (she helped me carry my stuff to the bus stop, bless her). At Marina’s, we got ready to go out to Lee’s Palace.

First, Marina and I stopped into her friend’s place, Erin’s, for a beer. There were a couple of rad women already there: Holly and Shelina. The 5 of us took Holly’s car over to Lee’s to grab our tickets, then we went to restaurant to grab some eats and drinks. [picture]

We were joined by another couple of women, Megan and Andrea, and 3 dudes, Justin, Fraser (Erin’s husband), and ? (third guy left early, I didn’t talk to him and hence don’t remember his name). Erin’s brother was in the opening band, Dearly Beloved, so we headed over to see that. It was actually pretty good; I was duly impressed. The headlining band was Juliet Lewis’ band, which is hilarious and totally not my scene.

She really has some die hard fans including this guy.
He brought her flowers and was extremely chuffed when she took them. Note: Please excuse the quality of the photos, it was difficult to take any decent photos in that place. I tried to take some pictures, but they were all really blurry. Luckily, I had Megan by my side who managed to snap a few which are actually pretty good (certainly as good as it gets given the circumstances).

Juliet was quite the performer and she gave it her all! I really couldn’t stop giggling at being there, this is totally not the kind of think I would normally do. I think I was also a little scared of her, I mean Natural Born Killers is a pretty terrifying movie, in my opinion.

Anyway, after the show we went to another bar, where Holly amused us all with her wit and charm. Then we went for some much needed late night food.

Sunday, Marina and I went for brunch at School, where I got (irrationally) irritated by the incompetent hostess, that’s not to say I did or said anything about it. It just really irritates me when I’m in a busy place that is not being run as efficiently as it could be, rather, it’s not being run efficiently at all. Marina was very nice and made me feel a bit bad about my bitchiness. Nevertheless, I was right and that hostess was useless.

We went to yoga later, which was really really good. Then we went for a swim in her apartment complex pool and had an early night. It was a super wholesome (and welcomed!) day.

Monday, Marina took me to the bus station so I could store my stuff. We went and grabbed some breakfast by her work and then said goodbye. I decided to go check out the art gallery before I left, but it was closed (stupid Mondays). I walked around this labyrinth for a bit and laughed at these pigeons… sounds kind of crazy, but it was entertaining. Then I went and caught the bus to Ottawa.

I sat beside this man who asked me if I was Russian. I thought it was a bit strange, since when I asked him if I look Russian he replied “no.” Huh, anyway, he was Armenian but grew up in Russia and he was a doctor. He told me about his struggles with taking the exams in order to transfer his medical license over to Canada. He seemed quite disheartened over the whole experience, as he has been living here for 6 years now and is still not able to practice. It must be hard, especially with the language barrier and then all these timed tests. He didn’t seem to understand much of what I said, which does not bode well for him either. At the end of the trip we exchanged email addresses, I am not really sure what for, but no harm done. I am hoping he was not feeling any sort of romantic connection.

Laura met me at the bus station and we headed to her and Jason’s (NICE) place. We had wine, bread, cheese and olives on the patio, which Jason had graciously picked up for us (good man). Then Laura and I went to a little French restaurant nearby and had a delicious meal of duck and lamb. It was fabulous!

Tuesday, we both did some work in the morning and afternoon. In the evening we drove out to Kanata to go to a bbq hosted by one of the owner’s (Mike) of my old workplace here. It was great to see the people I used to work with: Mike, Judith, Nic, and Sarah. Some of the new staff came too, which was a real treat. Mike made awesome tandoori chicken, samosas and pakoras. Yum. I love food. Seeing as it was a Tuesday, we did not stay too late.

Wednesday (yesterday!), I got up fairly early and went to a yoga studio Laura recommended to me. I ended up buying the special 1 month pass because it was cheap. I had a really nice class. Afterwards, I headed to the India visa application center and got all that stuff submitted (a little more complicated than that, and took some time).

I had lunch with Bob Burk yesterday at Carleton. We went to the grad pub and he bought me lunch and a beer. It was so nice to catch up with him, and I’m not sure the two of us have ever had lunch alone together before.

After, I went and met up with Chris Drumm, who I had not seen in at least 3 years. Of course, there were drinks, there was dancing (and a bit of falling); we had a blast. I had poutine, not just any poutine, but phillie-steak poutine! That’s serious business, let me tell you!

So now you’re caught up (and thoroughly bored I presume). Kyra, Laura’s dog, is trying to bully me into filling her kibble ball for her by dropping it repeatedly at my feet, but I already filled it this morning, so I don’t think it’s a good idea.

Wine. Lots of wine.

Thursday I decided to take it easy and work on my applications. [Motivation to work on my applications is low, and this worries me since I really have to get all these in before I go to Jordan.] I got up relatively early and left Corinne's to go search for coffee. It was a beautiful, hot and humid day. I love a swim in the morning!

I found a fairly mediocre bakery nearby and a friendly woman made me a weak americano (and some very friendly workmen opened the door, thanks). I decided to just wander a bit to get my bearings and found the nearest subway station and a little park. It was nice. Then I went back to the apartment to distract Corinne from her job search (she had no beer to steal, so I had to ensure I was a poor guest somehow).

Later, I was going to meet Candice down at Bathurst station. I felt pretty authentic, like a real Torontonian, walking with certainty to the subway (the quickest route through the park!) and knowing what lines I was taking, in which direction and to where. I love pretending that I know what I'm doing, which is good, because I'll be doing that a lot.

I met Can and she was as beautiful and petite as ever. I just wanted to scoop her up! We meandered down College street looking for a little Italian patio to grab a bite, and happened to stop at a very cheap little empty restaurant. It was actually quite nice. We shared a pizza and a salad and each had a beer for $26. Pretty good deal, I'd say. It was nice that there were so few people there, and by few, I mean none, because Can and I had 5 years worth of stories to catch up on. Let's just say, there were no awkward silences, and after dinner we moved on to another patio where we drank a sufficient amount of wine to warrant a shawarma later.

Going back to Corinne's I was going to catch the subway. I made the first train, to get to Spadina where I then had to transfer. Unfortunately, it did not look too promising that I would make a successful transfer, as the station was eerily empty. But the screen said a train was coming in 2 minutes, so I decided to wait. The train came in 2 minutes, but it did not stop, so I guess I had missed the last train and went and caught a cab. The cab driver was a kind man from Bangladesh who was immensely impressed that I knew where Bangladesh is (is this not common knowledge?). He educated me about Bangladesh, which was great (I really had no idea that Bangladesh was once considered East Pakistan, considering Pakistan and Bangladesh are not exactly side by side). He refused to take all of the tip I tried to give him saying it was "too much." That's a first for me! I guess it pays (literally) to take an interest other people.

Friday I woke up late. Corinne and I got ready and went downtown to take a tour of the Steamwhistle brewery. Corinne was not feeling well though, so she went home and I did the tour alone. It turns out I'm more interested in drinking beer than knowing how it's made, but it was fun nonetheless.

After the tour I decided to go seek out a bookstore. I had to leave my behemoth of a novel back in Vancouver, as it really would not fit in my purse, and hence I have been traveling without a book. I walked all the way up Spadina to U of T, where there were many bookstores for my perusal. I decided on a small book about Tristan and Iseult.

Pleased with my purchase, I then walked back down Spadina to King to meet Marina. On my way, who should call, but Tristan! He called to say he had booked his flights. Now 10 days in Greece! Amazing. After our brief chat, my phone was dying, so I quickly found a patio so that I could text Marina before my phone died and we could meet. In my haste, I chose very poorly, and found myself on a scuzzy patio on Bathurst. Oh well. A beer is a beer is a beer, I guess. And, I now had a book for company.

I had not seen Marina for 4 years. I have to say, all this visiting of old friends is extremely exhilarating. I am in a constant state of (drunken) elation. We went out for sushi and then picked up some wine to go back to her place, where we met up with her friend, Andrea.

We had a great time catching up, of course, and I did not leave Marina's until well after 2 am. Toronto has 24 hour bus service though, so I managed to grab a bus and get back to Corinne and Leslie's without too much ado.

So today I'm packing up my stuff and moving in with Marina. She has a tiny apartment, so we'll be cozy for sure. Tonight we're going to go see some live music, which is great, because for all the catching up I've been doing, I really haven't gone out on the town. Also, it looks like I won't have internet access while I'm with Marina, so I will probably be out of touch for the rest of the weekend. I'm hoping to catch up Melissa (my old roommate from first year) and perhaps Svetlana tomorrow. I'm also hoping I can find someone to brave the CN tower with me tomorrow, since I've never actually done it.

Monday I'll be in Ottawa.

Toronto

I had a really great time with Silka and Matt. They were amazing hosts, and I was a terrible guest (I drank all their beer and perhaps all their wine, too!). Hopefully, they will forgive me, or at least come stay with me some day and drink all my beer (and let me pay for gas...)

Anyway, they drove me into Toronto (seriously, I have no idea why they are so nice, driving into Toronto is not exactly a cake walk) and right to Corinne and Leslie's place.

Leslie made us a delicious curry when he got home from work. I would have taken a picture, but by the time I remembered pictures I had already finished my plate (note how clean that plate in the front is, I practically licked it clean).

Corinne rented a zip car and the 3 of us drove out to the beaches to have a walk and take in some of the fresh toronto air (just a little sarcasm there). It was a really nice night for a drive and it was good to see a bit of downtown toronto, since last time (when Bryce was driving) I was pretty much asleep the whole time.

I know approximately 5 people in toronto, and on the drive back to Corinne and Leslie's I saw one of them, Marina, walking down Bathurst smiling to herself. It was amazing and beautiful. I didn't expect to see her until Friday when we're scheduled to hang out!

Thursday I'm going to meet up with Candice. I haven't seen her in 5 years! Crazy how time flies by. I am very excited to see her. I will be sure to post a pic or 2 later.

July 30- written on the plane

The following rant was written on the plane for my blog. I forgot I had written it, until I went to go look at the essays I had started in transit. It turns out I did more ranting than actual writing of essays. Good for the blog, bad for my future(?)! It's kind of long, and a bit personal... but hey, blogs are personal.

Chuletta Ventures Day 1

Let my adventures begin: 6 ½ months away from Vancouver. I packed my bags yesterday, half the contents are readily disposable- in fact, and it seems at least a quarter of the contents are good examples of planned obsolescence. For example, the ridiculous wedge shoes I am bringing to wear at Silka and Matt’s wedding. The dress is also an item to be forgotten along the way.

I had dinner with Maegan last night. She came over with Thai food and a bottle of wine; an elixir to soothe my nerves. Then she assisted me in making the house semi-presentable for my mother’s return [today]. [01100111] On the drive to the airport I was excited and sleepy, dreamy and sad.

I am going to meet up with Mego in Jordan, Salman in Egypt, Tristan and my parents in Greece. How exciting!

I am now on the plane to Toronto. It seems there are a thousand crying children on this plane. I have never been so thankful for a set of earplugs. I feel for the mother and her nanny; two sets of twins to care for. I do not envy them, as I know they must feel worse than the annoyance felt by myself and the other passengers on this plane. Albeit, the annoyance is fairly intense to an obvious few.

I am also trying to write my med school essays, but not so much luck there. It seems I can’t think of much which would qualify me to be a doctor. When I think about growing up, I think about how nurturing my mother was, and my sister and dad, and hell, my brothers too. But I always feel like I was really more the calm one, I didn’t rush to help in an emergency. I never knew what to do, I never took charge. I was always just waiting for directions… like, maybe I’d make a great nurse. Ugh.

And then I think about doctors, and I try to locate one who I like. All I can think of is Dr. B, who recommended I get a vaccine for traveler’s diarrhea. Absolutely ridiculous! She seems to scream out: I AM PAID BY THE PHARMACEUTICAL INDUSTRY feed me, I’m starving. But she’s not starving. She’s happy and plump and thriving. Pathetic. Depressing. Discouraging. Outrageous. Unappealing. Sorry, who wants to be a doctor? All I can think about are my criticisms of the system. But there must be some good in there somewhere. Right?

Holy crap, these screaming kids are an earful. While we were still taxiing and the kids were wailing at unearthly levels, the man next to me turned and said, “it’s going to be a long flight.” To which I replied “my sentiments, exactly. Thank god for earplugs.” Which I then proceeded to find- thank god indeed.

Ah, Michael Jackson- if you want to make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and then make a change.

I refuse to watch TV on this flight.

011011100

I should really be brainstorming about what to write for my med school essays.

Ok, so med school. As a kid I was careful. I liked bugs. I liked to play with them; I liked to experiment with them. I wanted to manipulate nature into producing more of the foods I loved and less of the ones I didn’t care for. That meant more worms for the strawberries and less for the zucchinis. I respected spiders and bees, snails and slugs. I was not a sickly child, and I never really hurt myself. I was a little wimpy and did not take risks. I felt sure my cat could understand me. I would ask my dolls not to talk to me at night, just in case they could talk and wanted to show me. I earnestly reasoned with them that it would really just cause more fear than good. If they could talk; I wanted them to keep it to themselves.

I believed in the power of self-healing and would meditate on it from an early age. I didn’t know what I was doing though. Once, when I was about 8 or so I got a planter’s wart, probably from the public swimming pool. Mum took me to the doctor’s to have it burned off, but although it hurt like crazy, the wart did not go away. So every night I focused my energy to the base of my skull, where my spinal cord meets my brain and then, when I felt I had channeled all the energy I could muster, I would conscientiously send it through my body to my foot. I would channel my energy to go and get rid of that wart and I would wash it carefully every day, twice a day, in secret. I was afraid if my mum knew I still had it she would take me back to the doctor, and I was sure I could “wish” it away. It was gone in less than 2 weeks.

When I was 14, I got my first eczema outbreak. My hands developed blister over blister on the palms of my hands. My swollen useless hands immobilized me. I couldn’t grip anything, not even a hairbrush, not even a toothbrush. My mother would do everything for me, even eating was a chore.

When my sister got pregnant, she said I could be present for the birth. I was so honoured, but also scared. I was scared of what I would see. To prepare for my sister’s labour, I took a doula training course. The course made me feel infinitely more comfortable with the birth process, however; it also made me fear the medical association. Birth has become highly regulated, to the point of lunacy. There are so many scenarios and flow charts outlining how a birth should go, that it seems almost impossible for a woman to undergo a natural birth without any serious interventions. Not many people actually follow the “average” path. In fact, very few do. But regardless of your thoughts as to how a birth should go, or how organic you wish it to be, as a layman in the hospital ward, you are absolutely powerless. Once my sister was admitted into the hospital ward it was no longer about her, but about the baby. She was simply the vessel. What kind of a sick system is this, where we dehumanize the very person who brings life?! Such a sacred act is marred in the name of emergency. The women’s ward has become completely misguided with so many rules and people in the industry aware that if they don’t follow their flowcharts and schematic diagrams, their ass will be on the line. Well, this is not a system I wish to be a part of, when one can no longer trust or use their intuition. Worse, where one must actively ignore their intuition and do clearly horrific things all for the sake of maintaining their license. I can’t imagine partaking in this system. I have no desire to imprison those who seek safety. But could I change the system? Could I rally against it and succeed? Unlikely, just look at Gloria. Living outside any regulations, and living on the edge, with no security and a constant fight. But her life is worth it, and I admire her struggle and what she achieves.

First weekend away

On Friday Tristan (thank you, Tristan!) drove me to the airport to catch my 8 am flight to Toronto. The flight was fine, except for the 2 sets of twins who were crying pretty much the whole way. The poor mother- I did not envy her. Thank god for ear plugs, is really all I have to say about that. That and I didn't get nearly as much work done as I had (ambitiously, or foolishly) thought I would. Alas.

When I got into Toronto I met up with Silka's dad, Bryce. We had to go pick up Bryce's daughter, Catherine, and her partner, Jonathan, from the international arrivals. Bryce told me we were looking for a blonde (about my shade) and a tall, skinny French man. I was scouring the arrivals when a tall brunette and a short, not so skinny man approached us- Bryce's description is not especially accurate it would seem. Haha... well, anyway, we were on our way!

Bryce wanted to show Jonathan downtown Toronto before driving out to Paris, where Bryce and Mia live. It was great, as it gave me plenty of time to have a nap in the back. We got into Paris at about 7:30 (we left the airport at about 5) and there were plenty of people milling about the house (the day before the wedding!) drinking and having a jolly time.
Silka was there with 3 of her bridesmaids: Bree, Becky, and Tanya. We took off to have some supper and drinks where another bridesmaid, Emma, also joined us.

We all returned to Silka's parents place where Bree, Tanya, and I slept in the living room surrounded by fish tanks. We were sleeping with the fishes!

The next day, Saturday, July 31, was the wedding day! It seemed impossible that anything could go wrong- so of course it started raining (and although Alanis may think this is ironic, it's not ironic, it was just bad luck). Silka was off at the salon getting her hair and makeup done with the girls, while Tanya and I stayed at the house to do ours. I went to brush my teeth, turned the tap in the bathroom and I heard this *click* and it just started gushing! Oh shit, I went under the sink to turn it off at the shut off- only there was no shut off! So Bryce had to turn the water off to the house and go to Home Depot to pick up some parts so that Silka's uncle, Mike, could fix it. Thank goodness there were some handy people about! At any rate, Silka and the girls came back, upset that it's raining, and couldn't even use the loo... nice. Luckily, Mike had it fixed pretty quickly- problem solved! Yay Mike.

After pictures and puttering, the limo took the girls off and I hopped into Maggie, Mia's car, with Mike. Well I don't drive, but I think I might have felt safer if I were doing it! Mike didn't know where we were going and he was driving like a maniac while attempting to check his phone for directions. Eventually, I convinced him that I am an excellent navigator and he let me take over the task of handling his phone. We were only 10 minutes late for the wedding, but it was running a bit late, and the rain had ceased- so it was perfect all told.

The wedding was beautiful, but I didn't take many photos. I ate a lot and drank more. The food was decadent and the wine poured freely. Silka looked absolutely stunning as she came down the aisle with Bryce. Not to mention the beautiful bridesmaids, handsome groomsmen, and dapper groom! The speeches were all so heart felt and warm. It was really lovely.

The dj would not listen to my music requests, but I danced my ass off anyway. I also went and crashed a couple of other weddings which were going on... it was pretty fun(ny).

I had a plush hotel room, with a jacuzzi tub which I used when I got in (trashed) from the wedding. Good thing I made use of it then, since I wasn't feeling all that cheerful (or well) in the morning. Nevertheless, I managed to shower and pack up all my gear and meet Silka and Matt in the lobby in time for check out at 11. [This may not sound early to you, but bear in mind I am still on Vancouver time, and this feels quite early after my night of debauchery.]

So yesterday was a relaxed day. I spent the day at Bryce and Mia's where they had a nice BBQ for lots of family and friends from out of town. Then Bree, Owen (Bree's man), Tanya, Silka, Matt, and I all went to Matt and Silka's where we watched "Say Anything" and had a relatively early night. This morning, amazing amazing Silka made us all coffee and smoothies and fresh zucchini bread! Wow, she really is an incredible wife. I wish she were mine!

So now I have already had lots of fun and tons to eat, but I still have all my applications to finish sorting. Tomorrow I will hang around Silka and Matt's while they go do some touring and I'm going to work. I hope I am more productive than I was on the plane!!!