cats, my elusive god, and the rhythm of life

i am back in istanbul- typing with one hand while i cuddle with the sweetest cat, duman. she purrs and kisses my nose. and instead of going out, into this city that i love so much, i am thinking about cats and god.

i was reading through old emails and i found this email which my father sent to me while i was in india. it really had such a profound effect on me. i want to share the passage he sent me:

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Chapter 12 of AE's Song and its Fountains:

The high noon of time is past. We are nearing to its
twilight, but are like children who run about and play and
do not hear the voices calling them homewards, though
indeed they are weary and their play has not in it the young
delight of their dawn. How may we start on this travel? The
scriptures, which are the high Oracles of the Oversoul,
have told us the way. But they speak a language so high
that few can understand its symbolism, for it is to most of
us like a speech maintained in the court of a great king --
an ancient aristocratic speech -- while the rabble without
think, chatter, and barter with each other in a vulgar
tongue from which courtesy, dignity, and beauty are
absent. I cannot speak that high language of the seers who
wrote the scriptures of the world. I am as a child puzzled
and enchanted by the wood into which he has strayed,
who has the feeling that there is One who is playing hide-
and-seek with it in the tangle, and the child peers through
the leaves for a presence which always eludes it. I have
never had the high visitor of those who have gone into the
deeps of being and who have returned rapture-blinded by
the glory, and cried out in a divine intoxication to the Light
of Lights:

Spread thy rays and gather them. The Light which is
thy fairest form -- I am what he is.

I am a far exile from that great glory, and can but peer
through a dusky transparency to a greater light than the
light of day. That greater light shines behind and through
the psyche. It is the light of spirit which transcends the
psyche and the psyche in its own world transcends the
terrestrial ego. The psyche has a dual nature, for in part
it is earth-bound, and in part it clings to the ancient spirit.

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searching god in my travels... but still god eludes me.

soon i will return to canada, albeit, not to my home. i'm not sure that i have a home right now. for now i will continue to travel.

and now duman has become playful as she bites my hand and bats, claws retracted, at my arms. i have met so many wonderful cats on my voyage. cats everywhere are unique and yet the same. what a stupid thing to say- i mean, so are people: unique and yet the same!

i have been transitioning into the western style. turkey is the perfect place for this- it is where east meets west. a more perfect bridge could not be found.

oddly, i find that i have stomach problems in turkey. i recall i had some problems with my stomach last time i was here and i do again. in sri lanka i could drink the local water without issue and in india i only fell ill once, but it seems- even though i only drink bottled water here- i am always suffering from diarrhea. maybe it's just all the coffee...
but what does that have to do with god, you ask?
god is everywhere.
in the sky, in the sea, and in my bowels...
please don't take offense. don't be so serious. god has a sense of humour too. don't let the joys of silliness escape you too.

when i was in sri lanka i went to this turtle hatchery. in the evening we released baby turtles into the sea. the man who works there, handun, sent me an email yesterday. it was a handwritten letter which he had scanned and sent to me. he explained the meaning of my name to me in sinhala (edited slightly to make a little more sense): There are small currents in the sea. Sometimes they are floating on the surface of the sea waters. They go very slowly as a beautıful girl walks. Due to the nice rhythm, we call them in sinhala 'mariya.' That is the meaning of your name.

i thought that was nice. i always thought that mariya was a big wave, but it seems i misunderstood the concept.

well, i shouldn't spend more of my day on the computer when there is a beautiful city to explore. perhaps i can live up to my name and be a rhythmic current on the surface of istanbul...

today is a day for contemplation, a long walk is in order.

cold but happy

I am cold but happy. It was time to leave Sri Lanka, in fact, it had been time to leave for some time.
I had a bit of a stressful change in Doha as I had 3 hours to buy my visa, collect my baggage, then catch the shuttle bus over to the departure terminal where I had to book in to my next flight to Istanbul. Next time I decide to book flights using separate airlines I'm going to leave more than 3 hours... it felt tight. But I made it, and that's all that matters.
I got into Istanbul Ataturk airport early on Thursday morning. I'm not exactly sure how I ended up being so incredibly slow, but by the time I had gotten my visa and cleared customs there was no one at the baggage carousel and my bag was just sitting on the floor beside the now still carousel. No problem though... except I still hadn't been able to check my email so I didn't know where I was staying. I mean, I knew I had a place (Ümit's friend) but I didn't know how to get there and I didn't know her number. Again, it seemed I was moving extraordinarily slow and it took me 2 hours to locate internet and get a new SIM card. Finally, I was waiting at the bus stop where I discovered the directions I was given were not possible. Luckily, this man Çağri at the bus stop knew where I wanted to go and said I could take the bus with him to as close as I could get and then take a taxi.
After chatting with him on the bus ride in he offered to drive me there once we got to his car. I gratefully accepted. First we went to his house for a coffee. It was so nice to be in an apartment that looked like it could have been a friend's at home. After coffee he drove me to Burcu's where I was staying.
Burcu had to work, so she quickly ate some lunch with me, showed me around her apartment and then left me. I watched some crap TV, played with her adorable cat, had a luscious nap and then showered.
That evening Burcu and her boyfriend, Balant, took me out to Taksim square for dinner. The food was delicious and there was no rice!
Friday I caught the bus to Ankara where I was met by Ümit. We had a quiet evening and then yesterday we went downtown. It was super. I bought super new boots. We had some super food. I'm being super facetious.
But I digress...
Last night I had my coffee grinds read. Most of it was silly, but some of it was almost uncanny. Like she could see that I had two siblings who are like twins, but separated and one of their name's start with an S and that that one plays music... weird, eh?
Today all I've been doing is reading, eating and sleeping... it's marvellous. The rain is light and the skies are gray. I cannot take my sweater off. I'm cold but happy.

short update while crossing my legs...

Today I was talked into a tuk-tuk instead of taking the public bus. It wasn't a bad deal or anything, but just sort of annoying... because it turned out like all tours- me being taken to touristic spots without meeting any locals. Oh well. The tuk-tuk driver was nice and he spoke to me in Sinhala which I appreciated. I had to laugh though, because he spoke really slow and LOUD to me as if I were deaf....

actually, I am a little bit deaf, so maybe it was a good thing ;)

I went on an elephant ride and got drenched by the elephant, it was kind of funny, but like almost everything here: expensive. Also, the elephant was really bony, I worry she doesn't get enough to eat. Either that, or she's very old, I really hope it's the latter. I didn't think to ask at the time though.

I would love to write more, but I have to go find a toilet. Pronto. You know how it goes.

slight change in plans

I am now leaving SL on 20 April and I am going to Turkey. Then, I will fly to Toronto 7 May. Only 2 weeks left in SL!! Wow, feels so soon.... I'm inexplicably nervous.

Am I just hungry or have I had enough?

I know it's been a long time since I've posted. It seems every time I actually get around to using the internet, which isn't very often, the connection is poor and I have to do things like painfully slow internet banking, or snooping on friends' facebook photos, or searching for flights.

I am in Colombo right now, so I actually have access to fast internet. It's such a joy! I spent a good hour looking for flights and finally booked one with Emirates to Toronto on 7 May. Now I'm starting to wonder if it wasn't a mistake though... I mean, I think I might be sick of Sri Lanka. This country is so small I kind of feel like I'm in a small city and I can't seem to get away. Normally I don't think this would be too much of an issue, however, the attention from males here is really insufferable. It's just too much. I'm beginning to feel stifled and irritated...

I wanted to go to Jaffna at least before I leave, but my interest is waning. Today as I jumped through the hoops and finally managed to hand in my application for security clearance to the little security booth outside the Ministry of Defense (you cannot get too close! Not even up to the lawn!) only to find out it will take at least 4 days to process I started to wonder if it's even worth it. Maybe I'm just in a negative space right now, but it feels like there are quite a few things here which are more trouble than they're worth. I am sure it would be different if I were not traveling alone. In fact, SL, like Egypt, is a great place to travel with friends, but it's just too hard on your own. This is not true if you're a man though. If you're a man, prassneyak na. No problem.

SL is also expensive, as I'm sure I've complained about before. It costs $35 just to go see Sigiriya which I'll admit is really cool, but seriously, $35?! I am paying $24 for my room right now and I'm sleeping on a straw mattress which is as hard as hell. The toilet tank is cracked so badly that I have to turn the water off and flush it with a bucket... I have stayed in places this dire (and more so!) in India, but I only paid about $2.50 for those places, so it was tolerable.

Today I was followed out of the mall by this guy, Asanka. When he asked for my phone number I told him I had a boyfriend, so he asked for my email instead. I capitulated to this as it seemed harmless, but it was a mistake. Then he took the bus with me, even though I wasn't going to where he was going, and he paid for my bus fare. If you insist (it's only 8 rupees which is like 8 cents). I was meeting my friend, Jerome for lunch, but this guy came with me and waited while I was waiting for Jerome to show up (damn, he's always late!!) Later it came out that Asanka's actually married... and this is actually no surprise to me at all. It is really really common for married men to hit on me. In fact, it seems like most men here, married or not, 15 or 80, think I will probably sleep with them just because I'm a foreigner, and not only will I sleep with them, they think I'll buy them land and build them a house and give them lots of money. I'm the fairy god slut! Awesome. So yeah, it's kind of wearing on me...

Anyway, I am kind of thinking maybe I should change my flight and go to Europe. I still want to travel, but I'd like to be ignored a little more...

God, I really am feeling grumpy right now. Maybe I should go eat dinner eh?